Few examples for fun

What’s Donald Trumps favorite kind of dog?;a BORDER collie!
An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within 2 minutes.
What type of pen does Lance Armstrong use?;Uniball.
The golfing funeral;Larry’s wife dies during the week and above his buddies objections he decides to play in his regular Saturday golf game. He says he ought to get out for a bit, golfing is good therapy. As they are set to tee off on 16, which runs along a busy road, a funeral procession passes by. Larry takes off his hat and stands at attention as the funeral procession passes. “Larry, what are you doing?” Larry responds, “We were married for 26 years–at least I ought to show a little respect for the woman!”
A guy walks into a bar, all battered and bruised… It looked like he’d just gone 10 rounds with the Klitschko brothers. Blood everywhere. “God’s balls, son, what happened to you?” said the barman. “Well, I was about to come into the bar when I slipped on a dog turd on the pavement just outside,” explained the customer. “But you’re covered in bruises and blood,” said the barman. “That can’t have happened just from falling over.” “Well, no,” said the customer. “I’d picked myself up and was dusting off my jacket when a Hell’s Angel came along and he slipped in the turd and fell over as well. So I told him “I just did that.'”
A guy wakes up, still hungover from the last night… He notices his wife is being super nice to him – she makes him breakfast in bed, asks him if he needs anything, hums to herself happily. Confused, he asks his kid: “Psst, hey, what’s going on?”.
The kid says: “Well, last night you came home drunk as a skunk, kicked the dog, vomited on the carpet, and pissed in the flower pot. And when mom tried to take off your clothes to put you to bed, you said – leave me alone bitch, I’m married!”
June 2019
M T W T F S S
« May    
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930